Casualties of Church

In the years I've been out and about, I have found myself more often around the people society tends to reject, the "dregs" of society, as we see them. And I've noticed a lot of common denominators.

Yes, there does tend to be a subset of that group that won't be happy no matter what you put in front of them. What I am trying to convey here is not addressing that subset; they will only be changed by a true transformation of the Holy Spirit. But the rules of love and compassion still apply to them, as it is only with genuine love and compassion that you will meet those urgent needs.

The majority of people I have found who have turned their backs on the church, though, are people with very real grievances and gripes, who refuse to be heard. They've been hurt, sometimes very badly, by the church. Children taken, marriages broken, teenagers exploited, bullied, and even sexually assaulted by persons in a position of trust. And often, church leaders who turn a blind eye to very serious spiritual conditions within the church while politicking for material concerns, or legislation to regulate the activity of those  who do not profess a Christian faith. This is wrong.

In my personal experience (this may not be true of the larger Christian landscape, but it is of my experience), these "casualties of church" often outnumber the Christians IN church. You often find them as church hoppers, non church attendees who may or may not hold services in their home, or just people who appear outwardly apathetic towards issues of faith.

Now, before I go further, let me make it very clear what I am NOT saying: I am NOT saying this all falls on the pastor. The pastor does need to recognize their role in leadership, and I've noticed many pastors have a difficult time delegating, not so much because they are unable, but because of genuinely guarding against putting someone in a position of influence that doesn't have a sincere faith. In that sense, they are entirely well intentioned, and while I am certain they would recognize need for improvement, the problem can't be solved by laying the blame on their shoulders.

I have noticed in the years I've spent in a rather loosely structured, renegade "ministry" that the common desire of people of all walks of life is to feel they are being heard. A lot of anger, frustration, and pain arises when they try to express their concerns because they are dismissed as being "complainers", or because other issues take precedence over the genuine pleas of the people who come to their doorstep.

As a father of seven, I understand this. Some years ago, my daughter broke her arm. We took her to the ER,  had it treated, and two weeks later were heading out the door and loading up our children to take her to a followup visit. At that time we heard a bloodcurdling scream from the back of the house. My then 5 year old son had pinched his finger in the door, effectively severing the tip of it.

If one of our other children had tried to shove a permission slip in the way for us to sign, or ask about a sleepover, they would have gotten an unnecessarily severe response. With one medical followup and another medical emergency on the shelf, we barely had time to address the issues we NEEDED to address, let alone other, less vital issues.

For a pastor with 100 followers, it's just as easy to get caught up in multiple simultaneous emergencies, and fail to listen, not because you didn't want to, but because you sincerely didn't have the time. The problem is, very often when that person comes to you, they're only going to come to you once.

Of course, in suggesting a problem, I would probably be remiss in not suggesting a solution. We need to rethink the idea of community, entirely. One problem is the church body's EXPECTATION that the pastor meet every need. I have seen firsthand where people were genuinely hurt because of a family need, and the fact that the pastor didn't show up (which is usually seen as "couldn't be bothered", a charge I admit is unfair, as I have never met a pastor who wouldn't WANT to address the concerns; more than likely they didn't have the time). Maybe in the same way as we organize prayer chains, we should organize compassion  chains, and help the congregation to understand that, although the pastor cannot attend to every need, they will diligently work to ensure that someone from the church can.

At any rate, I do feel church leaders should stop dismissing people as "church hoppers", and realize that when someone attends church faithfully for a period of time and leaves, they do so for a reason.

My beliefs on the way the church should function are not widely accepted, but I do believe someone seriously wanting to address the dysfunction of the present day church would be well to listen to them. I have never left a church for no reason, and I've never left without trying to express my feelings to someone of influence within the church. I can't say the same for others, but I can for me.