Confessions of a Pest

One of the hardest, most compelling aspects of my personality is, frankly: I'm a pest.

Thing is, I know I'm a pest. It bugs me, and it is one of the major reasons I work to avoid social settings. But it's also, in my opinion, one of the most indicting aspects of our passive-aggressive society.

See, we expect for people to arrive to us whole. I'm not pointing fingers here; I am probably the worst at it. We don't expect broken people, we don't expect people who tend to follow rabbit trail after rabbit trail to get to a point they actually have, and we really don't tend to like people who tend to be clingy because they have a preciously small group of friends and tend in social settings to gravitate very closely to the ones they trust.

I try to be self aware, and occasionally I catch myself, but it's usually about the time someone's eyes glaze over and they respond with dismissive grunts in lieu of meaningful conversation, but by then, unfortunately, it's too late. There aren't a lot of opportunities for do overs.

But don't get me wrong; I'm not meaning this post to be some sort of rant or pity party. And I certainly don't see it as something deserving of pity; it is immensely helpful to me. See, I may be a pest, but I'm not the only one. And yes, like everyone else, I get frustrated by other pests.

But because I am one, I try to meet others with a dose of understanding. I don't have a high batting average in that regard, honestly, but I AM trying.

And while I'm trying to veer away from the more cynical side I expressed when I began this blog, I do have to say that one of the things that has made relationships within the body of Christ difficult is that I came to Christ with some VERY starry eyed expectations, only to find them more lacking than not. It has taken me awhile, though, to come to the grips with the fact that if I want people to accept my brokenness, I need to do a better job accepting theirs.

I truly think this is a massive failing, not only of the church, but of society in general. Because, to tell you the truth, I haven't found nonChristians any more accepting than Christians in that regard. I hear people talk about their mentors; I've never really had the luxury of having one. In fact, I really haven't had the luxury of having genuinely sane parents, and I don't really know the ones I do have all that well. So the places where people generally adopt these social mores have really been lacking for me more often than not.

But the one thing I ask of those who know I am a pest is honesty. And patience. I may be a pest, but I'm also probably the most loyal friend you will ever have because of it.

I don't know what the solution is; for me the temptation is towards isolation, but I try to avoid it because I've been there, and that doesn't help. And it certainly doesn't make things easier for my family. But I do know that if I can't figure out the solution for myself, maybe in being open I can help someone else find their own solution.