I have a few people who have seen articles I've posted here, but not the whole story. It's like walking into the middle of a movie, sometimes you see the bitter, but you don't see what led to that point.
I am at the moment feeling angry, frustrated, and exhausted. And it is very much at the heart of why I feel the church has let me down. It's not a matter of me having unrealistic expectations of the church, these expectations are very realistic.
But let me be clear in saying they're not the "pastor's" job. More than a few people play a part. Building friendships within the church is part of the disciple making process.
Anyway, I had to reveal some information to my daughter that was very painful to discuss. For her privacy I am not going to be terribly specific. But the last time we had this discussion, it cost me six months' time with my daughter, including her senior track season, and all of the other senior activities. I will never have those back.
Through this all, I had no support. I did not have a single friend outside the family to turn to. People made assumptions about my character, and hers, that were untrue. They never TOLD us, though, they just made horrible sweeping assumptions.
When I needed backup it wasn't there. When I needed the guidance of wise counsel, it was similarly absent. Nothing there to help me. I was on my own.
To pretend this is the way the church was meant to be is to pretend that much of the Scripture doesn't exist. Parenting, especially through the teenage and adult years, is exceedingly difficult, and backup is needed. Eyes and ears help as well.
I feel right now that we're in a better place, a good fellowship working to be responsive to all of this, and I am and will attempt to be patient. But healing is much more easily accomplished when everyone acknowledges their role. This is something I have had to navigate on my own, and with the judgment and stares of others to accompany it.
I know that we as a church can do better. And I pray that conviction comes to the churches that need to fill the gaps. I know that the last year has certainly changed my viewpoint substantially and for the better, and as a result at this point I am not bitter, just exhausted.
And similarly determined to help make sure that other people don't feel the same way.
Recently I was discussing the parable of the Good Samaritan with a friend, and he disagreed with my analysis, saying "are you bleeding and lying by the side of the road?"
I didn't think then to answer, but am answering now: No, but not long ago I was. And I was passed by more times than I should have been.
