This Lenten season has been a special one for me. I have been working on an intense introspective process, because I see a vast gap between what the church is and what it should be, and ultimately need to address a longstanding conflict in my life to resolve what I can do to bring about change, to help the church again function more completely as the body of Christ.
A lot of that introspection has been filled with bitterness, and for that I apologize. I'd like to say that the bitterness and cynicism has gone away, but like Paul, I understand that there is an attachment to the old man that I may never quite shake. I do hope, however, that I can make that part of me so small that it is not what others see, but large enough that I have the tools to see where something needs changing. And in the church, most definitely, something needs changing.
Recently, I saw my cynical words reflected in another, and in my amateurish attempts to minister to that person's legitimate hurt, something occured to me: I wasn't speaking to her, I was speaking to myself. She just happened to share some very similar frustrations.
And this is, and always will be, what our walk with Christ should be: our individual walk with Christ. It's about our growth, our humility, our obedience. And with that in mind, the following will be addresses in the first person singular.
I have, for a long time, realized a need for revival within the Church. And I do not, will not, shrink from that statement. But in looking back on the landscape, I am coming to understand the separation between the man I am and the humble sinner who pleaded for the grace of God and understanding that was the only thing that could truly heal. Instead of leading, I have allowed myself to be led. Instead of shining a light, I have allowed mine to be dimmed. Not extinguished, but not nearly as effective or powerful as it could be.
At the beginning of the Lenten season, I resolved to start Reformation 2014 at its conclusion. My aims were simple, but bold and I believed that I could be the agent to affect change within the church. And I still believe that. I have just changed my perspective on ho change can be affected.
Paul refers to members of the church as part of the body of Christ. There's a twofold problem, though, that we are not addressing when we say those words:
First, the part is always lesser than the whole. ALWAYS. The body is and always will be more crucial than the parts within. And while we need church leaders to understand that they cannot neglect any part of the body, and MUST address the hurts, as they are called to minister, we must also understand that our healthy function is dependent on the body's healthy function. To put it simply, if the heart stops, the hand can't function. So it is useless to be a hand in a body with a broken heart.
Second, a part cannot move independent of the will of the body. If Christ is, indeed, the head, the hand cannot wander around like a restless Cousin It looking for a place to perch. It must always yield to the will of its master.
Some of these thoughts I will expound on in more depth as time goes by, but for brevity's sake, wish to move forward.
As a musician desiring to learn and grow, I was speaking with a friend about starting a group, which has frustrated me for some time. His advice was to get a couple of people together and just start playing, then with consistency, you can bring others in. This makes sense, and also has powerful spiritual implications.
I have been reluctant to speak to the idea of Reformation because, to put it simply, I am not a leader. I do not like the focus, the emphasis to be on me. I hate spotlights, and frequently wither in their glow.
But I also feel that it is improper to use the direction in which groups are moving as a rationale to hinder my own progress.
There's a scene in the book "Prince Caspian" that is a favorite of mine, and one that, sadly, did not make it into the movie in full context. When Lucy first hears the voice of Aslan, she ignores it, preferring instead to listen to the older, more mature people within her group. After they mess up by their own devices and meet Aslan together, he asks her why she didn't listen to him. She concedes that she was following her group. Aslan's silence leads to her conviction and understanding.
And so, what I have realized is that revival is not about the church, it is about me. It is with purpose that I must move forward, that I must look for opportunities for spiritual growth. And that I must work out my salvation with fear and trembling.
Now, of course, this has been said before, but what does it mean? It means that when someone's lifestyle conflicts with what I am certain to be true, it is not mine to condemn or bless. I can only speak to my walk, not theirs. It means that I build a case for obedience and faith in the context of the journey I am making, not in the context of another's. And it means that my relationship with the body should be the focus.
No, this sounds like selfishness, but it is not, for the simple reason that when one part functions perfectly with the body the body can then focus on healing the other parts. And that when that healing is visible, other parts will seek it out.
I will share my progress on this page and other blogs. Pray for me, as I will pray for you, and let's walk and see what wonderful things God has in store for us!
