As the years go by, although I still go to church faithfully, I have to say that I have all but lost hope that the church will even begin to TRY to fulfill the Great Commission. I hate to sound like such a pessimist, but in light of my experiences, I would say it's more realistic.
See, today as I write this, I'm wrestling with the same problem that has plagued me most of my life. Oh, I know how to cope, and I'll bounce back like I have many times before. But I'm not that far removed from a time when I genuinely thought depression would take my life.
It's not, it never has been, an attention getting device. The truth is, the only reason I have a "fear of heights" has nothing to do with the heights, and everything to do with memories of a time I lived in gripping fear that I might not be able to prevent myself from doing a swan dive over the edge.
Again, I'm past that point. It's no longer an issue, and I have far too much to live for. But I can't get over the disappointment that I really don't have anyone I can seriously discuss these things with. It's not about needing a psychologist, it's about needing a friend, someone aho asks how things are and genuinely gives a rat's patoot.
Thing is, I've discussed this with pastors. Either they didn't care about me enough to try to minister to the problem, or they didn't know how. At any rate, they sure never minded my money in the collection plate.
I know I can be a difficult person at times. I get that. But if we only serve people when it's easy, how is that any testament to our faith? If we only love those who are easy to love, where is the saving power of the Gospel?
I guarantee, I can walk into half the bars in America and be made to feel welcome. It would be a beautiful thing if I could say that about a quarter of their churches. But I have visited churches where I have left without a single person speaking to me.
This sounds like a gripe blog, and in a way it is. But it's a sentiment I've heard expressed by others so many times, I have to believe it has validity. I think perhaps it's time we stopped worrying about programs, and started worrying about people. That's how you truly make a difference.
